A few days ago I took farewell of chips and yesterday I took farewell of pizza.

I have a goal and I am going to rech it!

My starting weight 58.8kg 

My goal weight 54.5kg

1.Why do I want to reach this goal?

2.When should I have reached my goal?

3.How am I going to reach goal?

1. I want to loose this weight because 54.5 is my happy weight.

    It's not only about loosing the weight it's about geting in to shape.

    After I got into my relationship I have let my self go and I want to get myself      together again.

2. I wil give my self 5 months to reach this goal

3. I am going to walk and run 5 times a week

    Eat better.(that is way I am say farewell to things for a while, not forever!)

    And get help to find what kind of food I should eat.

I am doing ot for me this time not for some stupid reason like " because everybody is skiny in magazines".

Today I am taking farewell to candy and sweets.

I took farewell to chips a Loooong time ago:(

I have tried this before BUT this time I have a plan and the motivation.

Wish me luck cause here I go:D

I love rainy days.

It gives me a reason to be inside and just take it easy.

Read a book, play a game, clean and watch crappy tv :)

This past weekend was one of the greatest weekends in a long time for me :D

And it's all thanks to one of me dearest friends, Lotta.

We had a grils night on saturday.

We ate some good food, drank some wine, danced in our livingroom and laughed alot.

Later that evening we walked down town and danced some more and met up with some people.

There was alot of people at the bar and it was crowded BUT it was so much fun.

On sunday me and Lotta went to see a play called "Robin Hood".

It was in the middel of the wood and it was awsome. I LOVE theater!

WE were a little beat after the previous night. We were very giggly and our legs were like jellow.

I felt fantastic :)

This weekend has been super HOT. 

I have such a hard time to function when it get sssssoooo hot.

I think that my brain actually melts somehow.

Rainy days are also good for reseting.

By tomorrow maybe my brain is back to it's normal state.

Good night

It's sunday.

A whole week has gone by with het, sweat and unexpected positive things.

Heat = sweat for me and for many others. So I don't think I have to explain that.

Unexpected positive things!? Now what can that be?

I am a person that don't fear conflict.

I am a person that likes to fix things, relationships, torn clothes, broken heats, furniture, alot.

But sometimes I can't...In certain situations with certain people, I lock up, I freez, I like to build a wall.

There has been such a person in my life.

I have from the start struggled with it. The relationship.

We haven't had one. Both of us has had are reasons.

2 1/2 years ago I knew that the day would come when we would have a conversation, just the two of us,  and work things out.

It all had to take it's time.

Yeasterday it happen :)

She came up to me and started talking and I was sssssooooo happy and relieved as I think she was as well.

She got to tell me her side of the story and things that she had and still stuggel with.

I got to tell her all the things that I have wanted to say to her for the longest time.

That I think that she is a wonderful, kind, beautiful, crazy talented person.

But also that It's been hard for me as well and that I have struggled and still do with guilt.

It was such a good conversation!

We are two individuals that have not choosen one and other But we do have something in comman and we a "stuck" with each other.

I am super happy that we had our talk and I hope hope hope that this is the begining to something good.

Happy sunday! 

As I am sitting in my warm kitchen, drinking my warm coffee, I am thinking about my family. Today is one of those days I think about them alot.

I am one out of four sibling. We are two boys and two girls.

Chris and Jon are the oldest and then it's me and Amanda.

Me and Mandi shared a room until I was about 14 I think so we are very close.

I call her my old baby sister and she calls me her younger older sister:)

Everybody thinks that she is older than me. I agree, she is a very wise young woman. I am super proud of her. She works and goes to school. And her drawings...I don't even know how to begin to tell you about her drawings :)

Chis is the eldest. He is mister know-it-all. I love him for it. HE is also the father to my two wonderful nieces :D Didin't really get to know Toff until I was around 17-18, he is 6 years older than me and he moved out early, thats why. 

He is a tough one but when he sees that your a good one, he is alot of fun :)

Jon is the second eldest. He is so crazy :) I have never met anyone like him, he is truly on of a kind. He has the kindest heart. When it comes to music he is sssssoooo talented:D For the longest time he was my rolemodel.

Mamma Rosa and Pappa Jan, are my parents. And I must say, they do it good. There has been ups and downs BUT we are still a whole family and it has all made us stonger.

Why all this information about my family!?

Cause I wish, whom ever reads this, that you would know these amazing people the way I do.  I almost feel sorry for the people that don't know one or all of them. 

And it's like a little "shout out" to them, cause being so far away from them all makes me appreciate them more. I miss them all!

                                         Familjen H-S

Just like calling friends and keeping in touch, I am bad att keeping  a journal going when I am not feeling good.

I know, I know...It's when your not feeling good you should write it down and get it out. I guess that most of the time I don't want to know or remind myself that I am not okey.

BUT I am working it.

I hope that someone has missed me out there :)

The truth is that not a whole lot has been going on in my life the past moth and a half.

I visted my family and friends in america, came home, lost part of my tooth,    had a break down,and just got back on to my feet.

still trying to live a better life without sweets and chips :(

I am doing well, so that is good!

I have gotten a job for the summer at a old peoples home.

I am working on getting my swedish drivers licens.

And that is about it.

Here are some pics to show you what I have been up to :)

The pics tell a story  

This week has been a busy week.

It feels like I have been all over the place.

It's been hard getting into rythm of things.

At like 6 or 7 o'clock in the evening I have been so tired and sleepy.

My sister Mandi has a pool and a gym in  the basement of her appartment building, and that has been super nice. I have gone swiming almost every day.

I have hung out with my brother and with some friends. Not all of them yet BUT I am getting there.

Today I am going over to my friend Bird's house and after that I am going to my brothers band practies.

It's been nice to be back for a visit but I can't wait to get home at the same time. I miss Erik alot

I have been here, in America, since saturday and it is nice.

The best part is seeing my sister and my bother.

My brother is as crazy and funny as always and my sister is funny and sweet as always.

I am staying at my sisters and it is a so fancy place.

She has a pool and a gym on the first floor and she has a doorman  at night.

Coooooooooooolllllllllllll!

The flight over went as planed. It is so much fun to travle with my mother. She is a hoot.

The first three days have been about adjusting to the time change.

I have have eaten at three places on my list allready, seen some friends, walked down town Milwaukee and that is about it.

Today I am going to see my friends house but before that me, mom and my sister are going to david's bridal to try on a wedding dress. It is scary but exciting :)

Free, New and Honest 

I am ashamed to say that I am obsessed.

I am bosessed with food and  my weight.

It is very tiring.

I feel like a bad person and I always seem to let myself down.

I wish that there was something someone could say to me me that would make me understand that I am beautiful.

Erik tells me every day but it dosen't seem to matter, am I beyond help?

I am abusive. I hurt myself every day with mean words. I tell myself that I am fat and ugly in some way. But I can't break up with myself? Can I ?

If a friend of mine came to me to tell me about a boyfriend/girlfriend that was saying that kind of stuff  I would tell myfriend to leave right away. No one shpould have to put up with that kind of abuse.

But this is me I am the abuser! What do I do?

I am truly ashamed...

I need to come up with some kind of plan to get rid of this demon