Something beautiful happen yesterday at work.

My job is to go to different nursing homes and sing and play the guitar to them or with them, depending on how alert they are.
I have been doing this for a year and a half and I have seen a lot of stuff.
The hard part is when all of a sudden someone doesn't show up anymore...
The awesome part of the job is seeing what happens to them when they hear a song that triggers memories. A song they recognize and someone that doesn't really talk anymore starts to sing! That is awesome and I get goosebumps every time.

Yeasterday I was at a nursing home that there is a mixture of how alert they are. One women that use to come (and loves music and to sing) cant get out of bed anymore and even if we keep her door open she can't hear.
After I was done singing a women from the staff asked me if I could go in to the woman's room and just sing a song to her. I said yes, took my guitar and went in to the woman's room.
I went to her bed and sat down by her bedside.
-hi
She looked at me and said
- hi
- I was wondering if you wanted to sing a song with me?, I asked her
- yes, I would love to
I asked her if she wanted to sing a song that I remembered that she liked. She lit up and said that she loved that song and for a minute and a half we sang together and that was the most beautiful thing I have ever been apart of.

I love my job and feel extremely blessed to have it.
My job helps me get perspective and it is humbling.

Everyday I writet down at least 3 things I am thankful for.
It helps me get some prespektive and actually see all the stuff I do have.
You might think to yourself " Cathy, really? Is that the best thing you can me advice about, to be thankful?"
Yes today that is what I want to remind those who read this.
How often does it happen that you sit down take the time and write the things or people you are thankful for.
Take a pen and paper today and write down at least three things.

It makes me happy and sometimes it helps a sucky day turn into a good day
Happy Monday everybody I hope it's a good one

For about a week now the sun has come out to see us every day, the wind has been stil and everything around us is frosted.
It is beautiful.
I have been living up here in the northern parts of Sweden for about five years and I can truly say that this is one of the moste beautiful places I know.
I still have a hard time with summer time cause it never gets dark but other than that all of the seasons are so gorgeous.

I recommend people to come up and visit the high coast of Sweden. You would never regret it :)

That is all I had to say today, all day are not bad:)

I try to tell myself this every day but it doesn't always work...
My thoughts run away with me kind of often and it makes my head hurt cause I am trying to convince my self that I am making stuff up.
But when I have a gut feeling it is hard to convince myself of an other truth.

I think that people judge me, that they are still judging me for who I was, things I have said and things that I have done.
I judge me so why shouldn't people around me?
I have never meant to hurt anybody but I guess that I have...if people don't want to be with me that is fine but it still hurts when I feel left out.

I don't want to feel like I have to convince people that I have changed but in a strange way I want them to know that I am better now. I am wiser now. I am still me just a better version of me.

It all comes down to one thing...ME.
I have to forgive myself and move on and accept that things are the way they are.
I have to keep on telling myself that I am a good person and that I am beautiful just the way I am, until I believe it.
Cause if I don't believe it nobody else will believe it.

This is not the way I thought that I would spend my Saturday. Trying to direct my thoughts in an other direction trying not to let it get to me.
Sometimes I am so strong and don't let stuff get to me but other times its so...so...so annoying.
There are bigger problems than this...like....No, not today. Not to me, there is a war going on inside of me and I can't afford to lose. I am already injured...time for game face.

...I am a good person and beautiful just the way I am...

So it's a new year, 2013...strange.
All around I am super happy about the year that has passed.
My family is healthy and for all I know happy.
I have friends that I love and that love me.
I am married to a man that makes me so happy that sometimes (do not judge me) it makes me cry. But he makes me crazy sometimes too!
And also this year I have learned so much about my self.I have a long way to go but I think by this time next year I might love myself.

Yesterday I was upset about all the stuff I have done in the past that I feel that I am not proud of. Thoughts that I have had about people. Things I have said about people in the past that I wished I had keept to myself.
I was laying in bed feeling kind of low talking to my husband when he said something so beautiful to me
" Catharina it's not that you were a bad person befor it's just that you are wiser now".
And that made it all just go away. I have never been a bad person and I am not a bad person now. I just have to forgive my self for the things that have happend in the past, move on and trust myself that I have learned for my past.

I don't see the new year as a new beginning, I see it more as taking 2012 for what is was,with its ups and downs, and then just keep on walking. The past doesn't define us it shapes us.